


as heaven is wide (or: Boring James Milner IN SPACE)

by misura



Category: Football RPF, Samsung Galaxy 11 "Football Will Save The Planet" Commercial
Genre: Boring James Milner, M/M, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5417705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Boring James Milner</b> @BoringMilner    Apr 28</p><p>So apparently we are going to play football against aliens & they got here in spaceships which looked quite spectacular only I didn't see because it was Monday and I always do laundry on Monday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as heaven is wide (or: Boring James Milner IN SPACE)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Imkerin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imkerin/gifts).



> how could I resist? no, really, _how_?
> 
> because, c'mon, James and aliens just go together like uh football and saving the planet. yup!
> 
> which is to say: sorry, I'm not sorry, unless you don't like this at all, in which case I am so, so sorry I wrote this for you
> 
> it's a treat, though, so if all's well, you'll still also have a 'real' gift
> 
> <3

**Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 28

So apparently we are going to play football against aliens & they got here in spaceships which looked quite spectacular only I didn't see because it was Monday and I always do laundry on Monday.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 28

I asked Joe Hart Have you heard I am going to play football against aliens?  
He said Yes  
I said Oh

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 29

I went to the store to get some canned tomatoes because I was out but it turned out they no longer had any either. They did have canned beans, but I did not need canned beans so I did not get any.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 29

Jurgen Klopp asked Are you nervous about the game, James?  
I said What game?  
He said Against the aliens  
I said Well, either we win or we lose  
He said I hope you win  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 29

I thought that maybe I would go to the store and get some canned beans after all, but traffic was crazy so I turned back home and did a crossword puzzle.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 30

Joe Hart asked Are you nervous about the game, James?  
I said What game?  
He said Against the aliens  
I said Yes  
He said Oh

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 30

I did laundry today even though it is a Friday and not a Monday, which is the day I always do laundry. #yolo

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 30

Joe Hart called me  
He said How about a drink?  
I said I do love to sit down with a nice cup of tea after doing laundry  
He said I thought you always did laundry on Monday  
I said I know. Isn't it crazy?  
He said It sure is

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 30

I only noticed today that my laundry detergent always comes in a blue bottle with a white label only now it comes in a blue bottle with a light yellow label and there is also a flower on it. So funny

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 1

Joe Hart called me  
I said Do you know what time it is?  
He said No  
I said Neither do I, because I am in bed and I have already turned off all the lights  
He said Oh

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 1

At breakfast today, I thought I was out of tea bags but it turned out I still had about twenty left, so I was not out of tea bags at all. I also was not out of sugar, although I should probably buy some again in two weeks or so, to keep from running out.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 1

Joe Hart told me he was sorry he'd phoned me when I was already asleep  
I said It's okay, I woke up when the phone rang  
He said Okay

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 1

Joe Hart said So tonight might be your last night on Earth  
I said Yes  
He said Are you going to do anything special?  
I said I'm still trying to choose between the kitchen and the bathroom  
He said Well, good luck with that  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 2

Today I met Iker Casillas

He said Hi James, I'm Iker  
I said Hi Iker, I'm James

He seemed nice

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 2

I really wish I could have given the oven a good cleaning before I left but when I was done ironing last night it was already after nine and I wanted to be well-rested when meeting the rest of the team.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 2

I asked Cristiano Ronaldo Have you ever been in space before?  
He said No  
I said Neither have I  
He said I didn't think you had

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 2

I called Joe Hart  
He said James, is that you?  
I said Yes  
He said Oh  
I said Apparently, my phone works even when I am in space. Isn't that crazy?  
He said It sure is, James

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 3

We all got our own room at the training facility so first thing I did was give mine a good cleaning and now it smells all lemony fresh, which is nice.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 3

I asked Franz Beckenbauer Do you think they have robots to clean this place?  
He said I don't know, James  
I said I think they probably do  
He said You're probably right, James

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 28

Some exciting stuff happened today. I think dinner would have been better if they had used fresh vegetables only they hadn't, which I guess is because we are in space. It was still very nice, though.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 3

I called Joe Hart again but he didn't pick up so I guess he was busy

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 4

Joe Hart called me back  
He said Sorry I didn't pick up earlier. I was busy  
I said That's exactly what I just thought. So funny  
He said Yes, James, you're a funny guy  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner Apr 28

He said So how are you?  
I said I am fine  
He said Good  
I said How are you, Joe?  
He said I'm okay  
I said Good

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 4

He said So the big game is tomorrow  
I said Yes  
He said With the fate of the earth hanging in the balance, I am sure that you will win  
I said Well, the aliens are probably very good too, so it should be an exciting match  
He said I will be watching  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 4

He said Would you like me to record the game for you?  
I said Thanks, Joe. You are a good friend  
He said You're welcome  
I said Only it would be a pity if we lost and the Earth got destroyed and then you would have recorded the game for nothing, because I would not be able to watch it  
He said James, I am going to record the game for you  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 4

He said I expect you will want to keep this short, because you want to get a good night's sleep  
I said Yes  
He said One last thing  
I said I already know what you are going to say  
He said Oh  
I said Happy Star Wars Day to you, too, Joe

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

Today I met Lennox

He said Graaa  
I said Hi Lennox, I'm James  
He said Graaa

He seemed nice

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

I said to Leo Messi If we win today, I am going to treat myself by buying something nice  
He said What?  
I said There's a washing machine I've had my eye on for a while  
He said Oh  
I said How about you?  
He said The one I have is fine with me  
I said Right

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

I called Joe Hart  
He said You can do it, James  
I said Do what?  
He said Win  
I said I just called to check if you remembered that you promised to record the game for me  
He said I remembered

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

I've never played football against aliens before. I asked Mario Gotze if he'd ever played against aliens before. He said yes.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

Iker Casillas didn't look very happy so I said It's just 2-0, so if you don't let them score again, we only need to score three goals ourselves in order to win  
He said Tell me something I don't know  
I said Baker Street Station is the first railway station that's completely underground. It opened in 1863  
He said I didn't know that  
I said I thought so

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

We won. It was an exciting match and I'm sure we had everyone on the edge of their seats.

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

Joe Hart called me  
He said You won  
I said I know, Joe  
He said You actually won  
I said I know, Joe

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

He said I'm super excited right now  
I said I know, Joe  
He said Yes  
I said Did you remember to record the game?  
He said Yes  
I said Thanks

 

 **Boring James Milner** @BoringMilner May 5

Franz Beckenbauer told us all Good job  
We said Thanks  
I look forwards to getting home and spending some time working on those bathroom tiles

**Author's Note:**

> link to commercial: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhTWPsjqVXs>
> 
> link to Twitter: <https://twitter.com/BoringMilner>


End file.
